Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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