So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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