OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
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like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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