this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
