he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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