So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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