my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
