Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
