so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
