so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
