The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
