my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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