C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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