girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just invented taco cereal.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
