I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
