what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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