I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
