garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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