I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize