i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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