I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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