oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
this just has baby written all over it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
