Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
