ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
