I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
