Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
