There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
