to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
