and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Don't you send me to vm
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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