He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I wear drunk well.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
