I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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