I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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