Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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