girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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