oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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