im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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