OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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