none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
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i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
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Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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