I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
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my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
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I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
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