i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
