Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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