now i know why i became what i already was.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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