if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
