So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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