I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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