I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
