Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
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She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
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You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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