Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.

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  (970): Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends. http://tfl.nu/xm5k
  Replies (59) Good night (5669) Bad night (2008)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.

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  (610): we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/7jhm
  Replies (10) Good night (4822) Bad night (595)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.

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  (706): I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face. http://tfl.nu/e8qy
  Replies (83) Good night (17767) Bad night (2064)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.

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  (+44): When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly. http://tfl.nu/m7vb
  Replies (16) Good night (4302) Bad night (1193)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.

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  (402): I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted. http://tfl.nu/yox0
  Replies (27) Good night (8116) Bad night (1262)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop

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  (630): You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop http://tfl.nu/jz1j
  Replies (8) Good night (3022) Bad night (1000)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.

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  (504): Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later. http://tfl.nu/kqj9
  Replies (9) Good night (1648) Bad night (1387)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night

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  (614): Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night http://tfl.nu/qw5j
  Replies (3) Good night (750) Bad night (767)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.

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  (734): In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER. http://tfl.nu/mukx
  Replies (10) Good night (2326) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra

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  (260): I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra http://tfl.nu/100u
  Replies (7) Good night (1345) Bad night (1068)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?

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  (402): I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF? http://tfl.nu/wyh2
  Replies (1) Good night (1204) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.

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  (920): Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder. http://tfl.nu/33o4
  Replies (0) Good night (898) Bad night (772)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver

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  (219): i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver http://tfl.nu/fqhq
  Replies (2) Good night (973) Bad night (415)
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.

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  (506): Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it. http://tfl.nu/c7ua
  Replies (5) Good night (508) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain

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  (315): you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain http://tfl.nu/5jnk
  Replies (1) Good night (491) Bad night (275)

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