ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.