Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
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you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
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He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?