i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice