Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.

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  (413): I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/g19l
  Replies (21) Good night (1587) Bad night (3923)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss

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  (616): who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss http://tfl.nu/d23g
  Replies (43) Good night (9425) Bad night (678)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.

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  (252): He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm. http://tfl.nu/eaqz
  Replies (58) Good night (2239) Bad night (6188)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore

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  (203): So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore http://tfl.nu/h83b
  Replies (11) Good night (841) Bad night (5303)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.

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  (630): Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze. http://tfl.nu/d5vp
  Replies (113) Good night (1537) Bad night (25079)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Thats like the definition of a good friend

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  (224): You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me. (630): Thats like the definition of a good friend http://tfl.nu/1tf7
  Replies (4) Good night (5017) Bad night (910)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency

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  (253): These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency http://tfl.nu/qlw6
  Replies (18) Good night (2876) Bad night (1143)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.

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  (609): She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew. http://tfl.nu/vnvf
  Replies (27) Good night (4575) Bad night (1428)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride

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  (320): she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride http://tfl.nu/iegm
  Replies (4) Good night (532) Bad night (950)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?

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  (570): Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me? http://tfl.nu/gcj7
  Replies (13) Good night (686) Bad night (1207)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.

  (512): View more from Texas

  I won

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  (512): I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest. (512): I won http://tfl.nu/ojuf
  Replies (3) Good night (1106) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way

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  (702): Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from? (702): Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way http://tfl.nu/vsyq
  Replies (4) Good night (1661) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.

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  (740): I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck. http://tfl.nu/g6o5
  Replies (7) Good night (751) Bad night (315)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.

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  (954): He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around. http://tfl.nu/uxp2
  Replies (1) Good night (368) Bad night (297)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM

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  (403): I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM (403): BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM http://tfl.nu/wdql
  Replies (3) Good night (503) Bad night (228)

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