Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
