maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
