Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
