the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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