I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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