Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
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Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
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There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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