Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
