I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
