Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
