I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
