there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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