Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
