the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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